Why a doula?

I first met Heather, my doula at a mom function while I was pregnant. I was having a very challenging time with my OB. And truthfully, I  had no interest in being pregnant. I wanted nothing to do with giving birth and  trying to casually inquire about a scheduled C-section from my OB (who was not  having any part of it). My OB consistently dismissed me. She sent me for unnecessary tests giving me unnecessary stress. My experience was not a good 
one. I tried talking to my husband about it and he really did not "get it". He did not see "it". Thankfully, he knew I needed help and told me to do whatever  it took, however much it cost and get the help I needed. Be it a shrink, a girlfriend, I think he would have consented to a drink at that point. That is  when Heather came into my life.

I called Heather that night and my  husband immediately saw the change in me and knew we had to hire her. I will never forget that 1/2 hour of my life. I think I said something really obtuse to  her like "I am going to go through the worst {yes I think I used that word} day  of my life and no one around me is listening to me." Heather set me straight.  She told me it was going to be the most amazing and profound day of my life and  she was right. And eventually she had me prepared for it.

Heather  convinced me I could do it. She had me do a complete 180 degree turn from  wanting a scheduled c-section to dreaming of a natural childbirth. She gave me  real "peace" of mind. My husband does not have the memory of his wife yelling at  him or screaming at him. Or my head doing 360s. He remembers confidence and a  day full of love and joy. Heather showed me ways to prepare and empower myself  through my pregnancy and through childbirth.

Alas, I did not get my  natural childbirth. I was easily talked into a scheduled c-section and found it  to be a very civilized way to  give birth. Heather also joined us at the hospital  for that and I am so glad she was there. She was the sister I always wanted  beside me. And professional enough to make herself scarce once our family showed  up. I am needle and hospital phobic. When the going got tough (read: major  anxiety attack), Heather was there for my husband and I. I felt like she did not  just help me deliver a
baby, she helped me transition from pregnancy to  motherhood.

We have all heard the war stories women love to tell about  childbirth. Here is mine: It was the most beautiful amazing peaceful day of my  life. All I remember is the overwhelming love. The high lasted a good three  months. I now look at pregnant
women with jealousy (the way many women look at  brides). They get to have that amazing day. I am so grateful to Heather for  that.

When my husband sees a pregnant woman or expectant father, he is  the first to suggest that she NEEDS a doula. He really felt that Heather not  only gave me confidence in the delivery room, but gave him confidence, peace and  took the pressure off of him.
Heather provided us with a game plan and prompted  us with questions before delivery, so we could anticipate situations.

If  you take anything from this note, remember this: You need two things to give  birth: A car seat to take your baby home and a doula. Everything else is just  window dressing.

ByJulie van Kessel